call me crazy

call me crazy
see if I care
comment on my make up
or what I choose to wear
it doesn't phase me anymore
you can say what you want but
the only one who cares what you're saying
is you.

you think it matters
to me what you think?
but I decide for myself,
and before you can blink
I'll choose some new and outlandish
thing, just to elicit a response
from you.

I think at this point
it's just amusing
to watch you wriggle
and snaggle at my choosing
its like you just don't get it
so I'll just keep saying
call me crazy...see if I care.

curiosity kills.

I die slowly...a tortured soul
stuck with no release
I search deperately for a hole
I search myself for peace

Who would have known that by knowing
one would come to know nothing at all?
And who would've thought that by helping you stand
I'd set myself up for a fall.

But now I'm here
ensnared by my diligence
caught by my ignorance
and chalking one up
to my willful perseverance
I die.

Desperate Plea

This is a song I wrote over the summer...hope to have a video of it on youtube soon. But here are the lyrics for now.

Desperate Plea
Father I come
And ask You for a vision
A glimpse of Your will for my life
All that I desire
Is what You have in store
God, I want to hear You once more

So I lift my heart, my hands, my ears
And I humbly ask for You

To pour out Your spirit
onto me, Lord fill me up
I'm broken and waiting for You
With all I have within me
Oh, I'm crying out to you
Take my will from me
and give me Yours

I've tried so many
Times to do it my way
Strayed off your path for my own
But You've brought me back
with mercy and compassion
to where You wanted me all along

So I lift my heart, my hands, my ears

And I humbly ask for You

To pour out Your spirit
onto me, Lord fill me up
I'm broken and waiting for You
With all I have within me
Oh, I'm crying out to you
Take my will from me
and give me Yours

I just want to hear
Your voice
Even when You speak without making a sound
I don't want to let
Your words
Just fall silently to the ground

if the world ends

if the world ends
and we're still just friends
then that will be enough
but it's still turning
and I'm wondering
if there could be time for for love

{lyrically correct II}

Really...it's not the end of the world. Please just move on...because I already have.

Part Of It
by Relient K

I've been working with adhesives
Chains and locks and ropes with knots to tether
But nothing's taking to the pieces
I can't seem to hold it all together
But you should know
Cause that explains why it all just fell apart


It's not the end of the world
Just you and me
And we're a part of it
Everyone
We're a part of it
Everything
And if a nightmare ever does unfold
Perspective is a lovely hand to hold

Well I've been trying to ingest this
But everything to me just seems like nonsense
And I'm not sure if I can get it
I guess its time for me to grow a conscience
To combat the lapse
That explains why all of this simply collapsed

It's been forever since I've gone
But I'm the Cusack on the lawn of your heart
May be forever 'til I go
But before then you should know that I could tear that place apart
And I swear this to you
I wish that this was not the truth
But it's something that you fell into
And crawling out is hard when you
Are not so sure it's what you want to do
Not convinced it's what you want to do

It's just the weight of the world
Giving out under the string
But we're a part of it
Everyone
We're a part of it
Everything
And when a nightmare finally does unfold
A nightmare finally shows
It's not the end of the world
Just a calamity
And we're a part of it
Everyone
We're a part of it
Everything
And when a nightmare finally does unfold
Perspective is a lovely hand to hold

all for love

In the name of love stones have been thrown
walls torn down and planes been flown
into buildings tall
and mighty once
now in ruins
all for love

In the name of love families have been
built up, broken down into shards again
shards of what
they ceased to be
when they were
all for love

In the name of love many have died
and one, the perfect sacrifice
to wash away
my sins and yours
and bleed and die
all for love

(un)willingly

ah, the clarity that comes from looking back
discarding memories that once brought joy
and now remind of what I lack
but lack so willingly

not wanting to bring you more pain
I keep my distance, try to stay
away, but feel that it is vain
in vain unwillingly

you try to cleverly disguise
your attempts to retake my life
in kind, oily words you sneak
sneak so willingly

I try to gently, push you, guide you
back to your side of this fence
the fence that both protects and traps you
traps so unwillingly

if I could somehow make this easier
mend your heart or soul or simply
erase this dark spot forever
I'd erase so willingly

{lyrically correct}

New cd. 
I love it. 
This song, the title song of the album, really applies to some of the feelings I've been experiencing lately. We all have those thing we just want to forget about and leave behind.
Maybe, instead of pushing aside those regrets we should turn around, deal with what's behind us, and then move on.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY2ma7BWkUU&feature=related


 

Forget and Not Slow Down
by Relient K

How many times
Can I push it aside
Is it time I befriended all the ghosts of all the things that haunt me most
So they leave me alone
Move on with my life
Be certain the steps of left and right don't fight the direction of upright

I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands of it

It's time to decide
Which is out of my mind
Cause it'll be me unless I put some thoughts to rest and leave some faults behind
I'll watch the glint in my eye
Shine off the spring in my step
And could be blinding depending on the amount of You that I reflect

Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could've done better but what good do what ifs do
Oh oh
Oh oh
There's something I should tell you now

bloggers lament

Well, this wasn't meant to be
a blog solely for poetry
But inspiration's taken over
And I'm not going to fight it.

Large's questions.

heart change
head change
love recieved
final decision
i've believed
and now what?

choices, so many
to be made
am i to change
or stay the same?
and how exactly
do i show
this change externally?

the search.

i searched
i tore apart an empty heart
to look
to find
something of worth in this life
something worth the climb

and what I found
oh, what I found
shook my very soul
meaningless?
just nothingness?
a message dark as coal

is there nothing
but vapors
wind that can be chased
but never caught
changed
but never erased

is there nothing new
under the sun?
in this vast and varied
earthy ball
that we spin on?

can nothing be done?
what can be found
to change this bitter viewpoint?
other opinions seem to me
few and far between

but i'll never stop
in this search
for i know that there is hope
it exists
i've seen it before
and it has left me
wanting more
and now i'll never stop
no, never stop

{inspired partially by the book of Ecclesiastes}

Pages.

I stepped back and took a look

At the pages of my life,

as if it were a book

I journeyed to where life began

through everything I'd tried to cram

into its measly pages.

I went through all I thought I knew

at all my different ages

And noted well that as I grew

I went through many stages

Of wisdom, life and dreams

and love and faith in God

and I returned to all of the places

my wandering feet had trod

There are things written there

I'd tear out if given chance

Perhaps increase font size

To emphasize a circumstance

But who will read it when I'm gone?

And really, does it matter?

If the choice be publish or destroy

I'd likely choose the latter

My eyes wandered to passages

worn by my fingers leading

I wondered at my ignorance

in my choice of reading

what good is it to go through life

just knowing your own story?

if I read yours, and you read mine

now that would be a glory

Hatred for Helplessness.

i stand and watch you fall from afar
though not very
wishing i could fix it all
watching you, it scares me
i wonder if this is my fault
if i've caused this downward spiral
of despair that has you caught
and will not let you go

they tell me that you're going crazy
drinking more than in times past
that your minds a little hazy
how long will this madness last
soon you will be empty
left with no one to carry
the burdens that you placed on me
and then took back unwillingly

it hurts to see you like this
it hurts even more
to think of the bliss
that could have been ours
if things had been different
and now i watch
as you slip under
once again

if i could take away your pain
i would, i wish you'd see
that all the sorrow you are holding
rightfully belongs to me

so look up
stop drowning in your sorrows
look around
it's a new day
filled with people who would care
if you weren't pushing them away
reach out
try life for a change
stop hiding
behind your lack of personality
and see that the only one you never let go of
is me.

Autumnal reflections.

"Delicious autumn!  My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." 
--George Eliot

Ah...the very beginnings of autumn are creeping in and overtaking the remnants of summer that stubbornly holds on here in the upstate. It's beautiful. Stunning. Breathtaking.

I walk around, soaking it all in, trying to maintain this feeling of awe and wonder that the change of seasons always brings me. It's inspiring. It's poetic. It's...lovely.

As for the inspiring and poetic part...I'm working on a few new things now. They'll be up whenever I'm satisfied with them. This is just a teaser to get you looking forward to them C:

Poetic Ramblings.

A few old poems I wrote...I decided to dust them off as the grand opening of this blog :) Some of them were on facebook, some...no one has seen before :0

The Promise
A sentence of breathtaking hope
A lens that colours the future
A statement which brings certain scope
A definitive question with uncertain answer

A way to look past what is now
Into a season to come
A glimpse that leaves us asking how
To attain such a glorious sum

But is it within our power
To exclude these hindering steps
Which cause us to stumble and glower?
Nay, they are the reason we continue

For without certain struggles and hardships
The product should not be as pleasing
And so these words shall dance from my lips
"Leave behind this, and press toward the promise.
(8.22.08)

Ignorant Passion
Oh, the fateful leap
of youthful good intentions
Hindsight offers much
in areas as these
The eager spoken
hungrily recieved words
which ignite such ignorant passions
I charge you
do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
(8.25.08)

is there yet one?
perverted world
twisted life
could it be
that purity
was once an esteemed thing?
for the very thought
so often admired
in ages past
is now despised
and is there yet one
waiting for me?
(8.08)

Joy
Is there pleasure,
Or is there joy,
That can compare to mine?
For what I have
Most tortured souls
Would search the world to find.
On the whole earth
A greater happiness
Not a single man can find
And what could be the source
Of greater exuberance
Then to know
And be known
By another.
(9.08)

dead end day
alive.
awake.
breathing.
moving without intention.
walking and going nowhere

dead.
asleep.
suffocating.
living without life.
staring and seeing nothing

life has become a dead end.
(9.11.08)

A Penny For Thy Thoughts
What lies behind thine eyes?
Those sparkling pools of endless light
That can both dance with laughter
And show thy true sadness

What thoughts precede each sound?
Uttered from thy mouth
Which can shout with purest joy
Or speak of lonely sorrow

Oh, to know thy mind
Without waiting for expressions
Oh, to know thy thoughts
Without waiting for thy words

But doth even the subject
E’er truly know
The notion in mind
Without saying aloud?
And do even thou know
What thou will say
Before the words dance
Off thy tongue?
(9.08)

Untitled
My downcast face
Has shed a tear
Today for anothers woe
and its my prayer
the other shall
never come to know
what done today in secret
but shall be brought to light
because of things
I know she does that keep me up at night

The marks of sorrow
which do marr
the heart and skin external
Cannot express the inner pain
that rages in her soul
With each cut
She silences
a voice she will not use
Is there any hearing ear
to stay this continuing abuse?

This inner battle
does rage on
in body and in soul
I look on helpless
Wishing she
would just let someone know
But wish no longer
For I have
forsaken my last promise
Will good come
or trouble ensue
from this broken confidence?
(9.08)